“I can carry my life, and I can change it too.”

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Vintage frames Dior, hoodie MM6, tights Zara, boots Dr. Martens

I know last year is now long gone for many, and that the new year has already passed with two weeks and counting. I’m still on the path of summing things up though. Of remembering, learning, and taking action towards certain goals I’ve set for myself this year and going forward. During the last week, as you are aware, I’ve barely updated my blog. One because the main reason behind the trip was personal. Two, because I was traveling around Italy and France, and felt guilty about showing details about my trip on the blog. As if I didn’t deserve taking a trip, or having fun without some sort of achievement to celebrate (that being said, I promise I’m making a post both on Italy and France recommendations this week and post it here).

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My self-esteem has never been great, no matter how many achievements or successes I’ve checked off. From straight A’s to an independent life since the age of 15, I’ve always left myself wanting and expecting more. When a client has praised me for my work, I’ve blamed myself for not getting double the praise. When I got a 98/100 on my exam, I always dwelled over the two points I didn’t get. In the last year or so, my self-confidence hasn’t declined, but it became more and more obvious to me that I needed to give myself a break.

Despite being lucky to have someone to share life with, who constantly reminds me of all the good when my mind slips, and who reminds me that I am not alone when I get anxious, my belief in myself still kept faltering. I have never in my whole life sincerely felt that I was good enough.

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Therefore, my biggest lesson and reminder to myself in 2018, has been to start believing in my own ability. As soon as I doubt that belief, life becomes heavy, anxiety bubbles up, and stress & fear takes over—the fear of not being good enough. Not being kind enough. Not working hard enough. Not being fair enough, fun enough. Enough, enough. That’s also why I took a break from the blog for a few days. To reset, reevaluate, recharge. And then, restart.

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Coat Pinko, shirt vintage, sunglasses Gucci

In 2018, I’m keeping my head high. I’m remembering the things I taught myself to get where I am today: That everything is possible, and that all problems can be resolved. That I deserve outmost happiness. To only surround myself by those who respect me, and that sometime, less is more. More is not always more. To act first, speak later. And to believe in my own ability–listen to my intuition, or gut feeling. I have always had a strong intuition, but my mind has taken charge over the gut because of the lack of self-esteem. By constantly reminding myself of the things I already know but often tend to forget, I perform better. I feel happier, I’m a better business woman, daughter, entrepreneur, employee, friend and girlfriend. I become a better person.

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Hat from NYC, shirt H&M, pants Ganni, boots Dr. Martens

I read something on a Swedish blog this past week which inspired me to share this with you guys: “This year onwards, my biggest promise and gift to myself is to look myself in the mirror every day, and feel confident in my own powers and abilities. I can carry my life, and I can change it too.”

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Lipstick MAC

With this knowledge and trust, I’m preparing for something I’ve been too scared to pursue, too worried to believe, and too insecure to imagine.

Oh and, in 2018 I’m not taking crap or negativity. Especially not from myself.

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